Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Stupid Enough To Have an Answer

So, as my head was RACING with post ideas, this one stood out.
Do you like my title? It is so true and here is why…

I have struggled in my marriage…for a long time.  Mostly my doing, but that’s not this post.
A long time ago I was talking to someone about my marriage and this person said to me, “who do you think has the kind of marriage you’re talking about”?

This is when it happened…. I ANSWERED THAT QUESTION!!!

Oh my word… really???  Yes.  I did it. I said you and another couple.
If I could go back in time I would tell myself to just not talk… just trust me and stop.
There isn't anyone that has “that marriage”.  Oh, sure some people have better marriages than others, but NO ONE has “that marriage”.  Why?  Well, because you know what? I have been duped!!!  We have been duped by the world, by our hearts, by other people.

Why do you think we all expect something better out of our marriages?  I think it is because we want perfect… whatever perfect is to each person, whether it is money, house, kids, love… whatever YOUR version of perfect is.

I have realized I DO have a perfect marriage!!!  Yes, I do.  Perfectly signed on the line.  Perfectly picked a sinful man. And then there is perfectly sinful me.
Yes… I have “perfect”, if the definition of perfect is anything short of heaven.

                                        And well, I am calling it… Game over.

I am talking to myself right now, but feel free to keep reading.

Stop looking for the next thing to make things right.  Stop expecting that there is a state of marriage that we can arrive at.  Stop expecting so much from someone when you aren't giving “perfect” godly love.  Stop seeing what isn't going right and see what is.  Stop.  Just stop.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel… I keep “trying” to “fix” something that really is not going to be changed by doing the same things over and over and really isn't exactly broken but rather an ongoing changing, living relationship.
Why am I trying to reach some point and thinking that when I get there I will have this thing called marriage all figured out???   If I expected my kids to get to a certain point and stop growing people would call me crazy… kids need to keep growing, changing, and become who they will be.  Why did I, or do I, think marriage is any different?

I SHOULD be working on making two people one… not expecting that person to complete me, make me happy, or even take care of me.  If we looked at marriage the way God does, we wouldn't see the strangeness we have but rather the mission we PICKED to undertake.

To that person that loved me so much they didn't want to make me look foolish… I really wish you would have been a little more honest and said something like, Oh no!! We have problems! I want to strangle my spouse several times a day, but God is working on me.  I think that we need people that will say, nope… I don’t have it.

I am going to do my best to be respectful, kind, and loving to my husband and yet be real.  Real for all the people around me that have ever thought (or even said) I want a marriage like hers… Do you really have any idea what you are saying?? No, no you don’t.

We all struggle to some degree. Let’s try not to make it worse…  The whole point is, don’t beat yourself up trying to achieve a marriage like someone else because you have no idea what struggles they went through to get to the point they are at, nor really if they are doing all that well at all…

Galatians 6:2a Bear ye one another's burdens
2 Corinthians 10:12b {they} comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

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