Last night after church, I cried. Actually, I was bawling like a baby! I was sobbing because I am hurting. It’s the same stuff that has been going on and I am working on going forward but there always seems to be at least a speed bump or two or worse, potholes, on that road to recovering.
Last night was my night to have a “meltdown”. And I was a crazy mess last night; tissues, tears, blowing my nose…and repeating. My husband came in the room I was in during all this and had no idea what he was walking into. My husband is so wonderful; he sat with me and he said a few things, I attempted to talk but mostly just blubbered. He asked if there was anything he could do and I said there wasn’t and I just really needed to sit there and cry. He doesn’t like that so much because he is a guy, but he agreed to leave me. (That took YEARS to get him to understand that he can’t always fix things and sometime I just NEED to cry. That’s a whole other post, which I might do so “all” you ladies can just show them this so you can prove you aren’t alone lol)
So, back to me... I continued to cry and I prayed. I cried some more and thought all kinds of things; what if, did it, how does… you know. I cried some more and listened to my Bible, twice. I fell asleep just like that. I woke up throughout the night just heartbroken and prayed more and asked God to help.
I woke up early this morning and made my husband’s lunch and I went back to bed. I didn’t sleep really, but rather prayed and thought and dozed off and on.
Here it is hours later and although the situation isn’t changed. Although things are very much the same, I am different. I told my friend about my night and she said, “It sounds like torture. Do you do that all the time you are overwhelmed?” I said, “No, only when it’s really bad”.
She didn’t understand it, but for anyone that really wants to know, this is why it works for me:
-I cry because I am heartbroken and the Lord understands.
Psalm 27:7-8 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
-I cry because I have no one else to go to that can actually help.
Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
-I cry because Jesus knows how I feel.
Isaiah 53: 4a Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows:
-I pray because He hears.
1 Peter 3:12a For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers:
-I pray even when it doesn’t make sense because the Holy Spirit makes my words something when I don’t even know what to say to God.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
-I read and/or listen to the Bible because it is the only Truth I can be sure of being truth.
John 17:17 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
I would LOVE to never be at the point I was at last night but reality is things happen that make people sin, cry, or get hurt.
My whole point is, this works for me! You need to get to the place you rely on God. For me, my time spent crying, praying, and listening to the Bible was what I needed to get back on track from a very spirit draining place. Each person needs to find out what actually fills them back up. There are small things and big things throughout our day that drain us and we need to hear from God.
Last night was my way of stopping and talking to the One that understood EVERYTHING! He knows the truth and I don’t actually need to know the truth to move forward on the road of life; I need Him to just hear my heartache and comfort me… it’s a big order but something He is so willing and able to do.
If you never shed a tear, God still hears everything you are expressing but you have to go to HIM and express it somehow.