I pondered doing this blog for such a long time and when I did start I "knew" it was the right time and right thing to do but as the days have gone on I feel like I have nothing to write and have "heard" in my head all the negatives from Satan. I'm ignoring him but... It's not easy.
My desire is just to encourage someone, I can only do that if I write…but, I am feeling all the above so much right now, I just have been ignoring my blog
So, the other day I was talking to my friend about writing and she said, "I feel like I'm re-learning everything about Christianity that I thought I knew, so I probably shouldn't say anything out loud when I'm still trying to figure out what I believe".
My reply was, if I wait until I feel like my spirit, what I have learned, and what I "know" are good, I will never write! That’s what’s happening this week. I have had this post written for days, but it was like two posts and it wasn't working and I felt like “what is the point”.
I guess the point is.... I don't have it all together and I don't know so much. I doubt, I fear, I sin daily, and do a lot of other not so "Christian" things in my life. I struggle all the time with the fact that I am not where I think I should be. And that’s hard because no one wants to put themselves out there to be shown a failure. I don’t want to be a person that say, do what I say not what I do.
I want people to see flaws are normal things we need to work through and not as "I failed again", because based on that, we will never be able to live a Christian life. I just want to be real and show that God is still good even when we aren't seeing him, doing right, or looking like the “good Christian we should be”.
Revelation 12:11a says, And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony
I don’t think I can do much for God. I know He will use people but I have never felt like “that person”, but if we don’t tell people our testimony then they feel alone, useless, and just there sometimes. I think that too often I don’t see just by doing something that is part of my regular day as my testimony. I forget too much that everything I do and go through is the opportunity to share Christ’s overcoming power.
Why do we expect people to be so good when we are all so bad? Anything that happened today that was good was from God.
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
Romans 7:21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Maybe we just need to let go and let God work in us and stop worrying about how we might look to others, or that we didn't keep up with “God’s standards”. If I am doing good and evil is still around, then I am bound to not do things right sometimes… more often than not. We are wrapped in sinful flesh. Anything we do that is good is from God. Everything else we don’t do can still point to Him because of what He did.
I can wait until I am “right” before I start to write about struggles, God, good, bad, marriage, or anything else. I will never, NEVER be able to say anything to anyone if I wait until I reach a certain level.
I am just me. I messed up today, God didn't. He knows I can’t look good without Him, I need to remember that each and every moment and get back up and try to do my best again.