Yesterday afternoon I was completely and overwhelmingly sad for no apparent reason for about an hour. It was very strange; it felt like a dark cloud descended on me and I couldn't do anything about it. I read my Bible, I prayed, and I shed a few tears.
And then, I gave in. I would love to write this post and say, and then I gave in and handed everything over to God and my world was peaceful. J
I didn't. L
What I did do was make a beeline to the freezer and get the ice cream. I then grabbed a spoon and without moving from that spot, I chowed down on a boatload of ice cream straight from the container.
There are two problems with this. First of all, I can’t eat ice cream because it makes me physically ill… I will spare you of details. Let’s just say, I can’t eat it. Now, that is problem enough. Why did I want to make myself sick… well, of course that’s not what I was thinking when I was doing it. NO, I was thinking, “this TASTES SO GOOD!!!!! and I feel so much better".
I knew I shouldn't eat it, and I heard myself say it, but I ignored it. Why? Because I WANTED it!
Which leads me to the second problem, I went to the ice cream rather than God. This, in my opinion, is a far great problem than the first, which is pretty huge!! Oh, I felt better after eating the ice cream because I am a foodie… I “fix” things with food. (You just think about what you go to rather than God and you will understand what I am talking about… there are so many things with do that with.)
Anyway, it got me thinking about how often we use our feeble attempts to “fix” our problems. It is still a great mystery to me that I can believe what I believe and still run to all my worldly options! It doesn't matter who you are, at some point each and every one of us has run to something else besides God.( some people are just more obvious with what they pick than others)
If I seriously looked at my choices the ice cream container vs. God, there should have been a clear winner. That clear winner, who ultimately lost! And what makes it even worse is the fact that He didn't lose anything only I did. And that was my solution of choice…
Why on earth would I pick anything over Him??? And yet I do it in my thoughts, my actions, and my words on a regular basis.
Yesterday, I had a bad day. Actually, I had a bad hour which turned into me feeling: guilty, ill, empty, and farther from God. I know I don’t have the answer on how to see the option of escape, but it HAS to be there because God said it was.
1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I didn't look for the escape. I chose to see only what I thought would make me feel better. And, no surprise, it didn't make me feel better. Oh while I was eating it I was enjoying it and it seemed to make me feel better, but it wasn't the escape that I should have been looking for.
Hebrews 11:25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
I wasn't willing to suffer through my storm and I picked the sin. And no matter what I picked, unless it was God, it was a sin to me. There would be nothing wrong with enjoying ice cream (if you can eat it) J if it was the fact you just liked it and wanted it. It was a sin for me at this point, not because of the fact I get physically ill, but rather that I put it before God and nothing should come before Him.
I will never know what the escape was because I didn't look for it.
Today, I am starting off with that thought in my head.
Today, I am looking for God rather than what I think will fill that empty place only He can fill.
Today, I am realizing that moment doesn't define my relationship with God and I get to start again.
Lamentations 3:22-23 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.