I have been struggling for years with my Christian walk and faith.
Last July, my pastor resigned. The church voted in a new pastor in September of ’13. Although I was looking forward to having a pastor and the changes that would be coming, I still struggled with the past.
I am certain that anytime a pastor leaves a church there is confusion, sadness, and a multitude of other things.
I have been struggling for this past year. I wanted to “move forward”, but I didn’t seem to know how. And I don’t know that anyone can answer that for anyone else. I had so much confusion from the past… Confusion is something I know every person can relate to. It happens all the time, something throws you off and you wonder what you could have done differently or if you could have done anything at all, or wonder if what you thought or believed was even true.
Was anything real? Is there something better somewhere else?
I still have LOTS of questions. They will never be answered. The doubt and confusion will always be there about certain things; but, I know that the confusion doesn’t have to HOLD me there… it can, but it doesn’t have to keep me there. There comes a point when we have to start getting back to life, and usually it is much sooner than we are ready for. So, we get up and do what we have been doing that makes our lives go and seem normal again. Unfortunately, there are so many people walking around with a gaping wound that don’t show there is anything wrong.
This past Sunday, someone in my church thanked me for something I had done at a church event; I said, “You’re welcome”. She then stated, “I think we need that”. I replied, “It was the shot in the arm I needed; I finally feel like I am back”. She replied, “I didn’t know you were gone”. Something SO obvious to me and she had no idea. How could she? It was my “plan” to keep being normal until something changed…
Something did change…But it was something IN me that changed…my perspective.
I have realized that we all go through things, things we bring about ourselves, brought on by others, or just as a result of “society moving forward”; but the only focus that matters is the one God has for each of us. But even more than that, was realizing that God’s plan and purpose for me haven’t changed based on what is going on around me, but that He really is in control of everything and can and will use everything that comes into our lives to make us stronger, better Christians.
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Oh, sounds so simple. It took me the past year to really get something and it took work, prayer and a focus on God and most of me didn’t even “care” to try to do any of that. Except, God was still working in my heart…and I was allowing what had happened as an excused for my turning away from God. But I ACTUALLY realize now, that we aren’t battling everyone around us, even though it often seems it is one person after another, but we are, in fact, dealing with our physical lives with a very real spiritual aspect.
Don’t get me wrong, I have not been transformed into Super Christian, no, nowhere close. I have just decided that no matter what happens in my life, that I will still follow God. I may get knocked down hundreds of times, but I believe that God is the one true Lord, and that no matter what I am dealing with He is still God.
And what’s my plan to keep this focus? The plan is simple enough; ask the Holy Spirit every day to help me see life with spiritual eyes rather than my physical ones.
Will it be easy?
But in the end I have a hope that it sure will be worth it.